I have to be honest with you in saying that over the past year, I have not had a consistent quiet time. I was speaking at a conference this past weekend to women about loving themselves for who God created them to be and finding their confidence in Him. However, if I were truly honest I would say that a lot of the times I seek confidence elsewhere.
Ringing in the new year, I decided I was going to ring in a brand new me. I cut and dyed my hair, bought a new car, joined the gym and got a makeover (yes, the Clinique counter was grateful!). Only I forgot that there are some things I wanted to go back to. Last night as I was reading through Ephesians and chapter 3 really hit home. This letter is one that I read as a new believer and is familiar Scripture that I love returning to from time to time.
Ephesians 3:11-12 says "This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him." Wow... the words are so familiar yet so powerful. It seems so easy to say that our confidence is only in Jesus Christ, but if you look closely it does not show in my life. Some of you are probably thinking I am being too hard on myself, but I am just being real with you and with myself.
So much of my time I am seeking to find that boost of confidence in other things... work, friends, family, successes, appearance, material possessions (i LOVE to shop!) instead of spending each day in pursuit of God. I am not saying that those things in life are bad, but this verse does not say our confidence is from the world around us. It says that we have that only through our faith in Jesus.
As I prepare for bed tonight, my heart is heavy and light all at the same time. Heavy because I am saddened that I seek the world over my GOD and light because I know that I am forgiven. I want to wake up tomorrow in pursuit of Him. I want to wake up tomorrow and spend time in prayer with the Lord instead of immediately worrying about what I am going to where and all that other junk. I want to wake up tomorrow and remember that without my faith in Jesus Christ, I would still be that insecure girl that panics about everything and is terrified to speak in front of people.
I miss being completely head over heels in Love with God and I miss spending each day in conversation with Him. That is my goal for tomorrow.